Creating Meaningful Goals

About four years ago I decided that I needed a better way of approaching my New Year’s Resolutions. Almost every year I found myself scrambling in the final hours of December 31st to figure out what goals to put on my list.
One of my favorite things about the teachings of the gospel is their practical application in these kinds of situations. I'll start with two of the teachings I keep in mind when making resolutions:

• -Our weaknesses can become our strengths.

and

• -The Atonement helps to change us for the better.

I think it’s safe to say that part of the human condition is a regular battle with self doubt. Every time I create a new goal I have to try to overpower thoughts like this from my inner Negative Nelly: “I think we both know you’re going to tank.”  So, when trying to give Nelly the ax, it’s very helpful to have assurances from the Lord Himself that, not only can I kick my road rage problem, I can become a zen traffic guru, and the Atonement will take care of the parts of that that aren’t in my power to change. (I don’t really have a road rage problem, but you get the idea.)

A couple more teachings that help me with my goals:

• -Our time is precious, so we should try to make the most of it.

and

• -We learn and improve “line upon line”, meaning we take who we are and build on it little by little, not all at once.

In my zeal to make the most of a new year, I’m sometimes tempted to bite off more than I can chew. “By the end of the year, I’m going to become a master souffle artist, take up ballroom dance lessons, get up every morning by 6:00 a.m., exercise every day for at least an hour, stop a train with my bare hands, and end world hunger.”  If I create goals that are too many or too ambitious I’m going to throw in the towel, which is a sad waste of 365 days.

Here’s one of my favorite doctrines right from the scriptures:

“Men [and women] are, that they might have joy” 2 Nephi 2: 25.

That, coupled with this...

• “Men [and women] should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will…
  “For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward” D&C 58: 27-28.

...tell me that I can and should be proactive about putting lots of happy and positive things in my life. So, instead of creating goals that sound like this: “Quit being lazy, showing up late to everything, and looking like a slob,” I write ones that sound more like, “Do meaningful volunteer work at least twice this year, make a cheesecake that makes your eyes roll back in your head, and surprise a neighbor with a free car wash.”

I’ve thrown out the word “meaningful” a couple of times, if you’ve noticed. “Meaningful” is where I think creating goals can take some effort, but it’s effort well spent!

Back to four years ago. To fix my problem, I decided to take a week or two to ask myself what kinds of skills, knowledge, possessions, relationships, and memories might I like to take with me into my old age? It was a powerful exercise that helped me prioritize my efforts and direct my focus.

Here’s a combination of some (not all) of things I came up with back then and things I’ve come up with more recently:

• -Journals
• -An active mind
• -An active, healthy body that can do most of the things I’d want it to do
• -A basic knowledge of world history (so that I can better understand my place in it)
• -Lots of relaxed days with my family like people used to have before we all became overachievers
• -An ability to make killer artisan breads

• -Many creative endeavors
• -Lots of fun family traditions
• -A heaping pile of great books
• -Some formal education beyond my bachelor’s degree
• -Steady service
• -A husband who knows I wouldn’t trade him
• -Kids who are sure I love being their mom
• -Healthy retirement funds
• -Peace of mind over the effort I’ve given to the Lord

(Got around to starting that artisan bread goal last year.)

It’s a big, broad list, and it’s supposed to be. It’s meant to be used as a reference point for making smaller goals each year, and I don’t even touch half of these things at a time. That doesn’t mean that I let all but the two focus areas of my life fly out the window, of course. It just means that a few areas will get special attention.

Here’s how I might make mini goals out of some of those big guys:

• -When possible, limit my personal computer time to when the girls are napping or in bed.
• -Finish reading Jane Eyre and two other classics.
• -Experiment with three new sourdough bread recipes.
• -Have two picnic/berry-picking family days this Summer and one campout.
• -Get to church 5-10 minutes early to prepare spiritually for the meeting.
• -Show more interest in Hubby’s love of B-list movies.

(One of those “creative endeavors”: turning a drink dispenser into a lamp.)

Another thing about the big list is that it’s very meaningful for me, which makes those little offspring goals much more meaningful, which makes me soooo much more likely to follow through with them to some respectable extent.

An example and then I’ll zip it.

Half the U.S. population makes a New Year’s resolution to lose 20 lbs, or something along those lines. It’s probably a worthy goal in a lot of cases. But unless it’s backed by a meaningful purpose, it sometimes doesn’t get done or get done the right way. This is how it plays out in my mind:

Purpose #1- To look hot.

Steps to achieve goal:

-Eat 900 calories a day

-Lose your mind

Eat an entire cake

-Try to regroup

-Hope for the best

Purpose #2- To have a capable, healthy body.

Steps to achieve goal:

-Travel 313 self-propelled miles (A goal from last year. Came pretty close!)

-Eat breakfast early enough for it to count as breakfast (A goal for this year. So far so good!)

-Put veggies in all kinds of stuff

-Get to sleep before midnight

-Enjoy the peace of a steady mind and healthier body

Wishing you a very happy and meaningful New Year. (Zip.)

Published by Guest Blogger Janna

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Of Primary Importance: I Will Go; I Will Do!

Because the LDS Church does not have paid clergy, the members are asked to serve each other. Everyone from our bishop to the nursery teachers serves voluntarily and without pay.

Although we serve voluntarily, sometimes we're asked to serve in ways we never would have dreamed of volunteering for ourselves.

About a year ago, I was happily serving as the Webelos Den Assistant for our congregation's Cub Scout pack, performing science experiments and playing marbles, all in the name of helping the boys earn activity badges. Until one day, when a leader of our congregation asked me to serve instead as the Primary chorister--the music leader for the children ages 18 months to 11 years. In a moment of panic, several memories raced through my mind:

1. The one time in my life I almost didn't escape singing in front of other people: second grade music class when everyone had to take a turn singing a solo--even if you didn't want to. The very thought was petrifying to my 8-year-old self, and so when the teacher asked if she had missed anybody, I didn't raise my hand. Miraculously, she didn't notice that she had skipped me, and I was spared the humiliation. (I probably shouldn't even be telling this story on a Mormon blog, since honesty is one of our basic tenets, but to me it seemed a modern-day miracle.)
2. And the only previous experience I'd had teaching children to sing, which was a first-grade holiday program. It succeeded only thanks to my fellow teachers and quite in spite of my ineptitude.
   
   

And so I asked my leader if he was sure he had the right person. You see, although I love music, I prefer to enjoy it from behind the piano or in the orchestra pit. And anyone who's heard me sing probably prefers that I enjoy it from there, too.

But the next thought that came to my mind was part of a song I had learned from my Primary music leader years ago:

I will go; I will do the thing the Lord commands.
I know the Lord provides a way; he wants me to obey.
(Listen to or read the full song here)

So I accepted the invitation to serve in a way that seemed totally outside the realm of my abilities. And now, one year later I know it was the right choice.

Have I miraculously become a better singer?  Ha, certainly not. The kids can attest to this fact. They still like to point out that "we can't hear you!" anytime I try to sing a line of a song by myself. Am I now comfortable singing by myself in front of others?  Well, maybe I'm not as petrified as I used to be, but only if none of my audience is more than 11 years old.

But what I have gained is an opportunity to again use the skills and creativity I learned by being an elementary school teacher. I've gained a multitude of new little friends, whom I have grown to love more and more as I've served them and as they squeal my name or wave shyly when we pass in the hallway at church.



And perhaps, best of all, I've gained the chance to learn and relearn the beautiful songs of the Primary Children's Songbook. They teach, in the most basic terms, what the gospel of Jesus Christ is all about.

The songs explain our beliefs about life in heaven; about prayer, thankfulness, and reverence; about the mission of the Savior; about the principles of the gospel; about the importance of home, family, and heritage; about the beauty of nature and the seasons; and about the need for fun and activity. (from Preface to the Children's Songbook)

Want to know what the song the kids and I worked on first?  It goes like this:

I will go; I will do the thing the Lord commands.
I know the Lord provides a way; he wants me to obey.

For an infographic about our lay ministry, click here
Children's Songbook Cover source

Published by Shellie

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The Things That Matter Most

Too often, I will admit, I go rushing through my days, even weeks, trying to check off my never-ending to-do list.  My kids get dragged along, in and out of car seats, as I rush to the grocery store, to the post office, to drop something by a neighbor’s house, then back home again, to finish the chores and make dinner while ushering the kids out of the kitchen over and over again.  By the time night falls, I am so exhausted, my kids are restless, and I dump them on my husband, who couldn't possibly have had so much to deal with at work as I did at home with the kids.

I feel like I need to sit and take a break just thinking about it!

After doing this a while, I feel a gentle nudge on my conscience that I am missing something!  How do I so often let the busyness of life distract me from the really important things?  As I rush through the day, why do all the other things take priority, leaving my kids and husband seemingly less important?

Unfortunately, my desire to do it all, and to do everything the best I can, causes me to come up short in the most important things--namely, my family!  No matter how I put it, when I stop and think about it, I know that no e-mail, errand, or chore is more important than spending time with my kids and husband. 

When my son B yells “Mom!  Look at ME!  I am reminded that it is not enough just to be in the same room as my kids or husband, but to be in the moment together!

President Thomas S. Monson (our prophet) said, “If you are still in the process of raising children, be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys scattered about the house, the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled will disappear all too soon and that you will—to your surprise—miss them profoundly.”

And so, I close the laptop, or stop whatever I was doing, and I read to my kiddos, or I play Memory with B, or we turn on the music and dance, or run around the house.  These are the moments that I love!  Laughing together!  Playing tickle fight.  Screaming and giggling as we chase each other.  Energy spent together, moments spent together, memories being made… That is what it is all about!

And, instead of dumping the kids on an already worn-out husband, sharing the responsibility of bedtime together eases the load on both of us.  Then sitting down together to rest from our tiring day, taking time to really talk (not distractedly from behind the laptop…I’m guilty, again), sharing in the moment is what makes our marriage tick!

I love this video, because it reminds me of these most important moments that I cherish. 

Reference: President Thomas S. Monson, "Finding Joy in the Journey"

Published by: McKell

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Living Happily

As I rode home on the metro the other day I noticed an advertisement that struck me.  The advertisement said:  “See how millions of people around the country are living happily WITHOUT religion”  My immediate reaction to the sign was surprise.  “Why would anyone say that? And what benefit does anyone get out of having no religion?  It didn't take me long to realize how easy it would be to believe in no religion.  With no religion there is no sin beyond what would be necessary to adhere to the law of the land.  How much easier life would be if you could live free of the guilt of any wrong doing!  No wonder it would be desirable to live without religion!

However, I know that it is not that way.  Like a child running away from home thinking he is free from the authoritarian rule of restrictive parents who soon learns on his own that what he thought was strict rule was really loving guidance provided by parents who sincerely care. Those who choose to do away with religion will one day face God and know for themselves that what they were escaping was not dictatorial law but instead loving guidance for their own sake.

I know that God loves his children and he gives us rules for our own benefit, not to test us beyond what we can handle so he can watch us fall and burn, but to help us avoid what would be the unavoidable consequences of poor decisions.  Self-indulgenceis not happiness as evidenced by the large number of people in our society either on anti-depressants, chronically depressed, feeling a lack of purpose,or in dysfunctional relationships.God is the guide who shows us how to attain true happiness and purpose by following the principles and rules of religion. 

So as I sat on the train that day and reflected on that advertisement my surprise turned to sorrow for those who choose indulgence and reject religion.   It is sad to think that most people who heed the sign will travel a long road to nowhere.

By Guest Blogger: Brock

View Brock's 'I'm a Mormon' Profile

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Why I'm a Stay at Home Mom

Like so many of us, I had different plans in mind for when I "grew up". I am very driven and was fast-tracked for medical school. I had perfect grades and would be entering college a National Merit Scholar and technically a sophomore. My father is a highly specialized physician, as was his father before him. Also, my grandfather and great-grandfather were Deans for universities and med-schools. I have a profound appreciation for the human body and science. Both of my parents instilled in me a great love for learning and a desire to further my education as much as I could. But they taught me the importance of family and being the best mother/spouse/sister/daughter I could be as well. I wanted to do that, too, but thought that I would have several or more true 'adult' years before that materialized as a possibility. That all changed when I met my husband.

We met at the beginning of my second year of college. I had just picked neuroscience as my major and was really loading up on classes to graduate ahead of schedule. The more we dated, the more I just knew that he was the one I wanted to spend my life with. I took it to the Lord in prayer and received confirmation. Five months after we met, we were engaged. And five months after that, we were married in the temple for all of time and eternity. We both graduated the next year (he stretched out his last couple semesters and I sped mine up. My last semester I had 24 credit hours, including the two online courses I was taking) and moved across the country where he had gotten a job. This is where my true internal struggle began.

Perhaps because I was young and egocentric, or perhaps because my academics were followed by newspapers in my hometown community- that's what you get for doing nerdy competitions all the time- I really felt like there was a specific expectation for my life path. I was supposed to make a difference, make oodles of money or at least find a cure for Alzheimer's or something. And I wanted to do all of those things, really. I still do. But more important than worldly accolades, I knew what I was truly supposed to do. And that was first and foremost to have children and raise them well. A former leader of our church, President David O. McKay, said, "No other success can compensate for failure in the home." That truly resonates with me! Once I caught a snippet of a program of Dr. Laura on the radio. I had never listened to her before, nor have I listened to her since; but I really liked one statement that she made. She said that she learned that she could not have just a good career and be an 'ok' or good mother at the same time. She could only do one thing at a time if she wanted to do either really well. I'm not saying that's true for everyone, and some don't have a choice regardless, but that really hit me. If I wanted to be my own version of the very best mother, I really needed to focus only on that.

This decision did not come easily, and I have had a hard time defending it to many around me. I have had friends and relatives tell me, very decidedly and rather bluntly, that I was ruining my life. Throwing away all of my potential. I cannot tell you how much those words hurt. I am not a blind follower or uninformed. I know full well what I am capable of and the impact my choices will have on my life. Some make us feel that women can only be respected if they make themselves equal to men in the workforce. But I know that I can do the most good in my home, with my children- and I would most regret missing this time with them. To my friends' and families' credit, nearly everyone who at some point had harassed me about my decision has apologized and made amends; and I do not harbor anger or resentment. I only included this to show the pressure I faced in pursuing what I know to be right for our family. 

I love the recent comments from the Apostle D. Todd Christofferson, who spoke on the moral force of women. He stated,

A woman's moral influence is nowhere more powerfully felt or more beneficially employed than in the home. There is no better setting for rearing the rising generation than the traditional family, where a father and a mother work in harmony to provide for, teach, and nurture their children. Where this ideal does not exist, people strive to duplicate its benefits as best they can in their particular circumstances.

In all events, a mother can exert an influence unequaled by any other person in any other relationship.

                                                                         My boys!

Now here I am, with my three little boys (ages 4 1/2, 3 and 7 months) and husband, and my life has never felt crazier. Frenzied, frantic, and frenetic. I fear I may never be that woman who is calm and collected and has it all under control. We may never have the house we really want or the cars we'd love to drive or make those exotic trips that would be so fantastic. But when I get the small opportunities every day to teach and observe my boys, I know I made the right choice. When my baby flashes a toothless grin when I pick him up, or my 3-year-old runs over and kisses my knee unprovoked, I know I am blessed. Or when my oldest son asks me to read him books, I can cherish the moment. It is not easy, but I can feel that it is right. And I love that at the end of each day, I feel the comfort of knowing that I am doing something good. We are together; we are happy! And nothing has brought me pure joy like watching my children grow and learn and experience life. Have I made sacrifices? Of course. But they have been worth it many times over. And they are only here and young and ours for a short time. I do plan to go back for advanced degrees, but not right now. There is a time and a season for everything- and right now, mine is with my boys and trying to teach them to be honest, hard-working, and faithful men. And I know that is where I'm supposed to be.

Published by Jen

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My Decision to Marry Young

I started off my college career with big plans for myself.  I knew exactly what I wanted and I had my life all planned out.  My list of goals hanging on my closet door would help me to get there.  I planned to be a news anchor/reporter.  This dream spurred from watching the Olympics happen in Greece, and seeing our local news reporter in the midst of the action, interviewing top athletes, and exploring Greece!  “How awesome would that job be!” I thought.  Excitement, Action, Interesting People, and Traveling the world…  It still gives me tingles thinking about it.

I was attending BYU-Idaho with a hand or foot in about everything… working at the library, on the newspaper staff, singing in the choir, running cross-country, taking 18 credits, and getting into a new social circle.  Life was moving so fast, and I was loving it!

Another one of my goals was to go on an LDS church mission.  At the time, girls weren’t allowed to leave until the age of 21, so I planned for three years working on my degree, break for an 18 month mission, come back to BYU-Idaho to finish my degree, and then find a job where I could start working my way up the career ladder.  Accordingly, one of my goals was to date a lot, and have a lot of fun, but not to form any attachments with a boyfriend.  My plans with traveling, a mission, and a successful career, weren’t compatible with any serious relationships.

I grew up in a strong Mormon family, and all my years as a young woman, I was always taught, and I always planned for, the day when I would marry in the temple for time and all eternity, and then have a family.  This was also a strong goal of mine.  But my goals had an order to them, and this would fall at the end of the line.  I had places to see and things to accomplish first. 

This is why, after I had been dating Devin for a while, I had this huge internal struggle.   I liked him, A LOT!  He was five years older than me, had finished college, and he wanted to get more serious.  But he was not in my plans!  I still had a lot of college to do!  I still had a mission!  And a career as a reporter doesn’t exactly fit the wife and mother lifestyle.  He was about 4-5 years early, and he wasn’t going to sit around and wait.

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