We All Need Lighthouses in Our Lives

I heard an urban legend about a naval ship receiving instructions recommending a change of direction:

Ship 1: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

Radio Response: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Ship 1: This is the captain speaking, I say again, divert your course.

Radio Response: No I say again, you divert your course.

Ship 1: I am the captain of the largest battleship in the fleet, I demand you change your course 15 degrees or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship

Radio Response: This is the lighthouse. Your call.

I believe that all truths can be circumscribed into one great whole. This is the gospel's plan of happiness. As we learn about each eternal truth and keep the commandments, we have the opportunity to become like our Heavenly Father. However, to do so often requires a change of direction in our lives. Often times we have a perspective different from Heavenly Father. Similar to the captain of the ship, we need to understand the truth about our position. In order to understand the truth about the gospel, perform eternal ordinances, and fulfill our purpose in life we need God’s Church. I am so grateful for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I know by following its teachings we can each find the path of light necessary to reach the ultimate goal of obtaining eternal life. 

I have been reflecting on things in my life that don't reflect my true position. One example is technology. I started noticing how much people use technology- such as smart phones, iPads, and TV- to relax and spend time with their family. While this is one way to spend time, it isn't quality. This important lesson was taught by Church Apostle, Elder David A. Bednar, in a talk called, Things as They Really Are.

However, similar to the ship's captain, I refused to acknowledge the revelation of a modern day lighthouse. One day while decompressing after work by watching TV, I received a spiritual prompting to should turn off the TV and read children's books to my kids. Doing so has strengthened my relationship with them. As time passes by, I reflect at some of the most fond memories I have experienced. Sadly watching TV isn't one of them. What is surprising is it's the small things- that I almost avoided at the time because I wanted to relax- which later turned out to be my favorite experiences in life. 

Another example is spending time with my youngest son. After coming home from a three and a half month work trip, my family and I decided to go to a nice hotel to spend time together. At this point my son was just learning how to walk and needed a hand to hold if he wanted to get further than a few steps. Since I felt fatigued it would have been faster and easier to have just carried him. However, I decided he and I were going to walk hundreds of yards together down hallway after hallway. I was surprised to see just how much he could walk by holding my hands as well as the big smile on his face. I wish I had listened to the lighthouses in my life the first time. I promise you that this church is the only place that contains the eternal truths necessary to achieve God's Plan of Happiness. By following the modern day prophet's and apostles' teachings, I have been able to change my life based upon my true position with the Lord. I invite all to partake of this modern day lighthouse.

Published by Guest Blogger, Ross

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The Ups and Downs of Parenting: How Gratitude Helps

A few weeks ago I had my third child and since then I've experienced a range of emotions.  I am grateful to have a sweet, new baby boy.  I am grateful that I could get pregnant, that my baby is healthy, that I have a supportive husband, and that I have health insurance. 

But being a parent is a mixed bag.  Sleep deprivation takes a toll.  Last weekend I felt really stressed when my two year old woke up in the middle of the night hardly able to breathe.  We took him to Urgent Care and he has croup.  I constantly worried about my newborn as I tried to figure out how to keep a coughing/feverish two year old away from the baby he adores.  It’s tough when all three kids need attention.  It’s tricky to find a balance between kids, husband, family, church, community, and household responsibilities.

I've found that gratitude serves as an antidote to my negative attitudes, and can act as a buoy in trying moments.  As I make an effort to focus on the good, my negativity and annoyances decrease. 

I am Grateful for My Children

I love my children.  It amazes me to watch them grow and learn.  I love conversing with my two year old.  I love the art my four year old creates.  I love seeing my children interact with each other.  Every morning since I've been home from the hospital the first things my big kids do is run to the baby’s crib to check on their new brother.

I am Grateful that I am a Child of God

I believe that I am a child of God.  That Heavenly Father knows and loves me.  While that idea is at times hard to fathom, it is also very comforting.  When I look at my peaceful newborn, I get a glimpse of the immense love Heavenly Father has for me.  I can’t help but be impressed by the amount of love I feel for my child.  I then magnify that love 1,000 fold and think of the love Heavenly Father must have for me and each of His children. 

I imagine Heavenly Father’s love for me is similar to the love I have for my small children, only with infinitely more wisdom and patience.  I encourage my children to learn and grow.  I help them.  I rejoice in their successes – just what our Eternal Father in Heaven does for us.  I am young in the gospel.  I make many mistakes.  As President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Second Counselor in the Church’s First Presidency, stated:

We have all seen a toddler learn to walk. He takes a small step and totters. He falls. Do we scold such an attempt? Of course not. What father would punish a toddler for stumbling? We encourage, we applaud, and we praise.

One of my favorite scriptures is 1 Nephi 11:17.  Nephi, a prophet in the Book of Mormon, sees a vision and is visited by an angel.  The angel asks if Nephi knows “the condescension of God.”  Nephi replies: “I know that [God] loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things.”  I am grateful that I also know that God loves his children.

As I face my own ignorance, frustrations, and mistakes, I try to remember God’s love and patience for me, His daughter.  When my children make messes, clamber for my attention, or as I sooth a fussy baby in the late night hours, I try to remember to be grateful.

Published by Cali

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Why Mormons Choose Children

As discussed in an earlier post, members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons) believe in eternal marriage.  We also believe in eternal families. Children born into the covenant of eternal marriage (through a temple sealing) become part of an eternal family unit. We believe children can bring us joy both now and in the eternities.

I came across the cover of this Time Magazine back in August, and I found it intriguing. The cover reads The Childfree Life, when having it all means not having children,¹ and shows a blissfully happy couple lying on the beach, margaritas in their future, and no cares in the world.  No children to throw sand in their hair, no worries about returning home early for naptimes, and no imminent threat of meltdown and embarrassing public tantrum.

Sounds relaxing…

The United States now has the lowest birthrate in its history.² Couples who choose not to have children can become fully devoted to work, spouse, and their own hobbies, without the inconveniences children might bring. ³

From a religious standpoint, Church Apostle Neil L. Anderson said, “It is a crowning privilege of a husband and wife who are able to bear children to provide mortal bodies for these spirit children of God. We believe in families, and we believe in children.”⁴

To the contrary I sometimes hear words and phrases referring to children as inconvenient, costly, loud, and troublesome…Elder Anderson used the word “privilege.” Children are meant to be our crown jewels of joy, both in this life and in the eternities.

 

Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints believe that having children is a commandment from God.⁵ Church Apostle Elder Dallin H. Oaks said, “The power to create mortal life is the most exalted power God has given to His children. Its use was mandated by God’s first commandment to Adam and Eve.”⁶

So from the beginning of man, God has commanded that husband and wife have children. Though over time, political and public opinions, laws, and policies change with the evolving culture, it is interesting to note that God’s laws do not change.⁷

Because of this strong belief in family, it is sometimes joked that Mormons have children by the dozen, but these decisions are up to individual families.

Church Apostle Neil L. Anderson said, “When to have a child and how many children to have are private decisions to be made between a husband and wife and the Lord. These are sacred decisions—decisions that should be made with sincere prayer and acted on with great faith.”⁸

My husband and I have chosen the path with children.  And parenthood is hard! We don’t have kids just to see if they will get my husband’s good looks or a high IQ.  We don’t have kids solely based on how much fun they are.  Nor do we feel we have superior parenting skills to employ.  Rather, I often feel a lack thereof. It is not an easy job.  It requires long days and even nights. 

The Family: A Proclamation to the World, states “Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live.” ⁹

This goes beyond just diapering and bathing, feeding and clothing.  It involves a time investment, for which we can’t see the results now.  Together, my husband and I work together “as equal partners” in raising, loving, hoping, and praying for our children, that they will become educated, productive members of society, and follow the teachings of God.

Before my children came along, I had some worries about entering into parenthood.  I had some desires to be a working professional, recognizing that in our society there seems to be more distinguished accomplishments than having a family.  Sometimes I feel as though raising a family hits the bottom of the rung, but I know the most important work my husband and I can do is in the home.¹⁰ David O. McKay, past President of the Church said, “No other success can compensate for failure in the home.”¹¹

I also had worries that having children would tie us home too much and make us boring!  But I will tell you now, that there is nothing boring about having kids!  They are full of surprises. We laugh at their funny behaviors, and cute things they do.  And we cheer for them as they hit every milestone! 

Margaritas on the beach are not part of our life right now—they would have to be virgin anyway.  My husband and I can't go out and have fun the way we did before we had kids--we have naptimes and bedtimes to be home for. We have had to sacrifice some things. But we have found parenthood is rewarding and fulfilling.

My husband and I have discovered that with our children we do have it all!  We are creating an eternal family.  Our children will be ours forever!  We are incredibly blessed, and life is good!

 “We believe that the ultimate treasures on earth and in heaven are our children and our posterity,” Church Apostle Dallin H. Oaks said.¹²

Reference:

1. Lauren Sandler, Time Magazine, August 12, 2013.

2. See Joyce A. Martin and others, “Births: Final Data for 2011,” National Vital Statistics Reports, vol. 62, no. 1 (June 28, 2013), 4; Gloria Goodale, “Behind a Looming Baby Bust,” Christian Science Monitor Weekly, Feb. 4, 2013, 21, 23.

3. “We cannot always explain the difficulties of our mortality. Sometimes life seems very unfair—especially when our greatest desire is to do exactly what the Lord has commanded. As the Lord’s servant, I assure you that this promise is certain: “Faithful members whose circumstances do not allow them to receive the blessings of eternal marriage and parenthood in this life will receive all promised blessings in the eternities, [as] they keep the covenants they have made with God.”

Church Apostle Neil L. Anderson, “Children” October 2011, General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

4. Church Apostle Neil L. Anderson, “Children” October 2011, General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

5. “THE FIRST COMMANDMENT that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.”  The Family: A Proclamation to the World

6. Church Apostle Elder Dallin H. Oaks, “No Other Gods”, October 2013, General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

7. “There are many political and social pressures for legal and policy changes to establish behaviors contrary to God’s decrees about sexual morality and contrary to the eternal nature and purposes of marriage and childbearing. These pressures have already authorized same-gender marriages in various states and nations… Unlike other organizations that can change their policies and even their doctrines, our policies are determined by the truths God has identified as unchangeable.” Church Apostle Elder Dallin H. Oaks, “No Other Gods”, October 2013 , General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

 

8. Church Apostle Neil L. Anderson, “Children” October 2011, General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

9. The Family: A Proclamation to the World

10. Harold B. Lee, 11th President of the Church, “The most important… work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own homes” (Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Harold B. Lee [2000], 134)

11. David O. McKay, 9^th President of the Church, (quoted from J. E. McCulloch, Home: The Savior of Civilization [1924], 42; in Conference Report, Apr. 1935, 116).

12. Church Apostle Elder Dallin H. Oaks, “No Other Gods”, October 2013, General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

Published by: McKell

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Coming to Know God Through Parenting: My Son's Prayer

Being a mother is a very humbling job.  One, because I am given the responsibility to raise God’s spirit children.  And two, because somehow parenting makes my impatience and imperfections seem so glaring.

I really believe my children were given to me so I can learn from them, and for the purpose of perfecting myself.  It sure is a good thing they come young... hopefully by the time they're grown, I will be full of the qualities I wish to have, and they will have forgotten all the mistakes I made as a young mother.

There was one day this week when everything seemed to go wrong from the very start.

• First, I had stayed up too late the night before.  I woke up an hour earlier than my alarm was set for and though I knew I would need that sleep, I couldn't fall back into it.

• So, trying to get a head start on my errands for the day, I tried to place an online order, but no matter how many times I pushed the “Place Order” button, or refreshed the page to try again, it wouldn't go through. 

• After my kids climbed down the stairs, bed-headed and still in pajamas, in my distracted state, I never noticed the cereal box go missing.  Half the box ended up spilled across the living room floor.  

• I handed them a bowl to scoop the spilled cereal into and I put the once full, now half-empty box away.  They brought the bowl filled with cereal into the kitchen, and it accidentally spilled again under the kitchen table.  

• We were running late already.

In the car, on my way to drop B off at Joy School, I said "Sorry B...Mom hasn't been very nice today, and I'm sorry.  I'll be nicer when I pick you up."

…  "It's okay mom, I love you!"

I asked him to say a prayer for us.  He talked to Heavenly Father about the cool spider he saw that morning, and said he was sorry he took too long to find his shoes so that we were late, and he prayed his teacher wouldn't be mad...

His simple, little prayer helped change my attitude toward the day.

His prayer helped remind me of what is most important—and reminded me that more than anything I need God’s help in raising my children.  I could feel how much God loves my kids, and I was filled with his pure love for them. I realized the things I had been upset about that morning didn't even matter.

Church Apostle Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said, “You can’t possibly do this alone, but you do have help. The Master of Heaven and Earth is there to bless you… 

Rely on Him. Rely on Him heavily. Rely on Him forever. And “press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope.” You are doing God’s work. You are doing it wonderfully well. He is blessing you and He will bless you, even—no, especially—when your days and your nights may be the most challenging.”

I needed that prayer my three-year-old gave that day.  I still had a full day of errands ahead of me, and ‘Lil M did her best to wear me out.  I am grateful for God’s love and enabling power, especially for me as a mother.

"If you try your best to be the best parent you can be, you will have done all that a human being can do and all that God expects you to do.”

Reference:

Church Apostle Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, “Because She Is a Mother”

Published by: McKell

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The Things That Matter Most

Too often, I will admit, I go rushing through my days, even weeks, trying to check off my never-ending to-do list.  My kids get dragged along, in and out of car seats, as I rush to the grocery store, to the post office, to drop something by a neighbor’s house, then back home again, to finish the chores and make dinner while ushering the kids out of the kitchen over and over again.  By the time night falls, I am so exhausted, my kids are restless, and I dump them on my husband, who couldn't possibly have had so much to deal with at work as I did at home with the kids.

I feel like I need to sit and take a break just thinking about it!

After doing this a while, I feel a gentle nudge on my conscience that I am missing something!  How do I so often let the busyness of life distract me from the really important things?  As I rush through the day, why do all the other things take priority, leaving my kids and husband seemingly less important?

Unfortunately, my desire to do it all, and to do everything the best I can, causes me to come up short in the most important things--namely, my family!  No matter how I put it, when I stop and think about it, I know that no e-mail, errand, or chore is more important than spending time with my kids and husband. 

When my son B yells “Mom!  Look at ME!  I am reminded that it is not enough just to be in the same room as my kids or husband, but to be in the moment together!

President Thomas S. Monson (our prophet) said, “If you are still in the process of raising children, be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys scattered about the house, the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled will disappear all too soon and that you will—to your surprise—miss them profoundly.”

And so, I close the laptop, or stop whatever I was doing, and I read to my kiddos, or I play Memory with B, or we turn on the music and dance, or run around the house.  These are the moments that I love!  Laughing together!  Playing tickle fight.  Screaming and giggling as we chase each other.  Energy spent together, moments spent together, memories being made… That is what it is all about!

And, instead of dumping the kids on an already worn-out husband, sharing the responsibility of bedtime together eases the load on both of us.  Then sitting down together to rest from our tiring day, taking time to really talk (not distractedly from behind the laptop…I’m guilty, again), sharing in the moment is what makes our marriage tick!

I love this video, because it reminds me of these most important moments that I cherish. 

Reference: President Thomas S. Monson, "Finding Joy in the Journey"

Published by: McKell

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Like Mother, Like Son

Today I have chosen to write about something that has been weighing on my mind recently. As you know, I have my three little crazies whom I love and adore greatly. But there are also times when it is all I can do to make it through the day keeping everyone alive! Seriously. So, I was thinking about how each of them seems to have inherited a different unfavorable trait -who am I kidding, we are talking in the plural not the singular here- from me. And it seems to be those precise characteristics that cause us the most issues. I'm not sure if it's the genetics or if we unknowingly train them to be that way or what, but I can usually attribute their most annoying habits to either me or my husband.

I recently had a temple recommend interview with one of our Stake Presidency leaders. (We, as Mormons, have a series of interviews to ascertain whether we are following the commandments and living a virtuous life worthy of entering into our temples. We can only enter the temple if we are living in such a way that is in accordance with church guidelines. A Stake is a regional organization of individual meeting house congregations.) I brought up this theory. And what ensued was exactly what I didn't know I needed to hear.

We talked about how each child is sent to just the right family. And oftentimes, these children express the shortcomings of their parents. Common sense might imply that this is harmful, passing objectionable traits from generation to generation. But agreeing to that is like surrendering our God-given, individual will. It is like saying, "I am this way and that can never change and there is nothing that can be done about it." Nonsense! I believe we are given shortcomings to keep us from becoming too proud, and to give us challenges to overcome. To grow. To transform. Think about it. What in your life has been the most joyful? Things that were simply handed to you, or things that you worked hard toward, achieved, and could look back and see the progress that you made? At least for me, it is most certainly the latter of the two. And why should this be any different? If there's some blaring character flaw that you don't love about yourself, then change it! And victory will be all the sweeter. So what does this tangent have to do with your children inheriting your worst flaws? I'm so glad you asked.

Let's say my middle child B is very...spirited. With all of those opinions, you also get a very defiant nature. He -in and of himself -has us at our wits' end most days. However, I feel I only have myself to blame. Not that I cater to him, but I am exactly. The. Same. Way. What we discussed in my interview was that perhaps, if I could learn to fix my personal shortcomings on this regard, I could better learn to address my child's. And what better way to really learn something than to teach it to someone else? We have a pattern for service in our church. We have no paid local clergy. Everyone volunteers their time as requested in whatever capacity in which they are serving. For example- I just finished over two years as a Sunday School teacher for teenagers. We have manuals with lessons and themes that we follow, and we are required to use the provided curriculum. Often there were topics that I did not know much about. But as I took the time to read about them in the scriptures and really mull them over in my mind and heart during the week, I came to understand and appreciate the doctrine. And then I was ready to teach. I think that I learned more, during my time as a teacher, than any of my students could have learned in my classes. It is one of the simple things that I LOVE about our church. There is a basic, heavenly-inspired method to our service. As we are asked to fulfill different roles throughout our years of worship, our spiritual and intellectual capacity grows indefinitely. And parenting, in this regard, is the same. As we are introspective and study ourselves, we can help our children. Which will, in turn, further our own progression toward self improvement.

Coming up with the theory is the easy part, as usual. The elbow grease comes with figuring out how and what to fix. And what better way to parent than on our knees? We can pray, read scriptures, research, and pray some more. Knowing that we are all God's children, could we find a better destination for our pleas? We can make our day by day situations ones where the Spirit of God is more likely to reside, so we are better prepared to hear His answers. We can keep our homes, minds, and bodies clean and uncluttered (physically and figuratively). We can fast. We can attend worship services. We Mormons can spend time in the beautiful, peaceful quiet of the temple. Or we can reflect in nature, among God's creations. The important part is not to give up. Sometimes the answer doesn't come as readily, or as easily carried out as you might desire, but the answer always comes. We are promised that it will always come. (see James 1:5-6 "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally...and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering.")

So now I'm off to study, and ponder, and pray. I have faith that as I listen for our Heavenly Father's answers, both B and I will infinitely benefit. And then maybe we can leave the house on time in the morning without him taking off every article of clothing I've dressed him in (even though I intentionally picked out his favorite of everything) just so he can pick each piece out himself. Or maybe I will learn to leave extra time for him to redo everything I have done. I guess we will wait and see.

Published by: Jen

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Peanut Butter, Sticky Kisses, and the Pearly Gates

One of the first things I learned about parenting is that any attempt to stay clean is futile.

I remember returning from the grocery store one day to discover spaghetti sauce smeared on the front of my white shirt.  Upon further investigation, I also found jam and peanut butter handprints on my back!

In that moment I realized that I really am a mom!  Up to that point I had felt like I was still the same me, with a kid tagging along, but now I realized I am a mom with everything that title brings—messy handprints included.

 

Sometimes motherhood is so wonderful; I have times that I try to sit back and soak up all the joy of the moment.  Sometimes motherhood is comical, hearing a witty response from my three year old that makes me chuckle.  Sometimes it feels like a race, trying to get all the errands run before my kids fall apart because it is too near nap time.  Sometimes motherhood is frustrating, my kids aren't cooperating and I feel at a loss for parenting skills.  Sometimes I feel at my wit’s end, because kids have been waking up in the night, and now all I need is a nap, but my kids won't settle down.  Sometimes it is just messy, as my kids dump, smear, and manage to get into everything they shouldn't. 

I used to have this vision of myself as a mom: Always put together, and things in order.  Smiling, playing and having fun with my kids.  Never ruffled.  Scheduled. Kids always clean, their hair done, always happy.

But that is not what motherhood is about.  Motherhood is all encompassing--the good and the bad; the messes and the baths, the happy giggles and the tears, joy and frustration, time outs and lots of love.

I have stopped, or rather, I am trying to stop viewing myself against the backdrop of my vision of a perfect mother, because it is not real or attainable.  I'm learning how to be a good mother, but I mess up a lot, and that's okay!

Motherhood is messy.  It’s unpredictable.  It’s finding piles of candy wrappers around the house and not being able to find the source.  It’s days of getting out of the shower to find the garbage can has been dumped out again. 

Motherhood is full of surprises.  But that is also what makes life so much fun!  The trick is remembering to laugh.  It’s finding those precious moments in the midst of the mayhem:  the ear-to-ear grin, as my child looks down at the new pile of flour dumped on the floor and proudly exclaims, "Hey Mom!  Look at this MOUNTAIN!"  

Lil' M, using her hummus to paint her feet, legs, and pants

This quote from Marjorie Pay Hinckley about sums it up:

“I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails.

I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp.

I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbor’s children.

I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden.

I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder.

I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived.”

Published by: McKell

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