My Decision to Marry Young

I started off my college career with big plans for myself.  I knew exactly what I wanted and I had my life all planned out.  My list of goals hanging on my closet door would help me to get there.  I planned to be a news anchor/reporter.  This dream spurred from watching the Olympics happen in Greece, and seeing our local news reporter in the midst of the action, interviewing top athletes, and exploring Greece!  “How awesome would that job be!” I thought.  Excitement, Action, Interesting People, and Traveling the world…  It still gives me tingles thinking about it.

I was attending BYU-Idaho with a hand or foot in about everything… working at the library, on the newspaper staff, singing in the choir, running cross-country, taking 18 credits, and getting into a new social circle.  Life was moving so fast, and I was loving it!

Another one of my goals was to go on an LDS church mission.  At the time, girls weren’t allowed to leave until the age of 21, so I planned for three years working on my degree, break for an 18 month mission, come back to BYU-Idaho to finish my degree, and then find a job where I could start working my way up the career ladder.  Accordingly, one of my goals was to date a lot, and have a lot of fun, but not to form any attachments with a boyfriend.  My plans with traveling, a mission, and a successful career, weren’t compatible with any serious relationships.

I grew up in a strong Mormon family, and all my years as a young woman, I was always taught, and I always planned for, the day when I would marry in the temple for time and all eternity, and then have a family.  This was also a strong goal of mine.  But my goals had an order to them, and this would fall at the end of the line.  I had places to see and things to accomplish first. 

This is why, after I had been dating Devin for a while, I had this huge internal struggle.   I liked him, A LOT!  He was five years older than me, had finished college, and he wanted to get more serious.  But he was not in my plans!  I still had a lot of college to do!  I still had a mission!  And a career as a reporter doesn’t exactly fit the wife and mother lifestyle.  He was about 4-5 years early, and he wasn’t going to sit around and wait.

I was unsettled and fluctuated so often it was unfair to Devin.   I took my wrestle to the Lord.  In the beginning, I brought to him my agenda, and wanted to know how everything could fit in to MY plans.  I wanted him to lay out the answers and give me a plain yes or no to marrying Devin.

I learned that this is not the Lord’s way.  He expected me to figure out an answer for myself. (D&C 9:7-8, “Behold, you have not understood; you have supposed that I would give it unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask me.  But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right…”)  

As I continued to ponder and pray, and sort out my feelings, I came to trust the Lord more completely.  I read my scriptures, and in *Nephi (first book of the Book of Mormon), phrases kept jumping out at me that “the Lord will prepare a way”…  I decided that maybe the Lord had a plan for me that was much better than my own.  I was finally able to pray “Lord, THY will be done.”

As Devin and I continued to date, we grew to not want to be apart anymore.  I am a planner and I make lots of lists, and I had made a list of the qualities I wanted my husband to have.  Devin had all the important ones.  I decided he was the man I would marry. 

We were married on 06-07-08 in the Bountiful, Utah temple.  I was a young 20 years old.  I felt like I couldn’t be any happier, neither could I possibly love my husband any more, than I did on that day.  We were sealed, in the presence of our family and friends, for time and ALL eternity.

Looking back now, I am so happy with my decision.  But making that decision changed my course.  One definition of sacrifice is: “To give up something valuable or precious, often with the intent of accomplishing a greater purpose or goal.”  There were some things I had to give up, some things had to be postponed, and I changed my major, but I know that the Lord’s plan is indeed better than my own plan.  I am grateful that the Lord chose to teach me then how to pray, “Lord, THY will be done.”  Because so often I get caught up in what I want, and what I think is best, but then I can reflect and remember that the Lord always has the best plan, with an eternal view, and he wants me to be happy!

Marriage is wonderful!  It can also be hard!  Here are some things I have learned: 

1. Marriage is work!  Blending two different people, from two different families and backgrounds is a challenge!  But… it is worth it!
2. To make it work, unselfishness is a must!  Concern for the well-being of the other is top priority!  Elder Russell M. Nelson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles teaches that “each marriage starts with two built-in handicaps. It involves two imperfect people. … Harmony in marriage comes only when one esteems the welfare of his or her spouse among the highest of priorities,”
3. It doesn’t matter who is “right”.  My husband and I can both be very stubborn, if we get into the “who is right” battle, no one wins!  It doesn’t get us anywhere productive.  It is more important to find ways to compromise.
4. Be willing to change.  Reading all the marriage books available will do nothing to improve your marriage if you are not willing to change yourself!  Give and take from both sides is important, but we also have to bend ourselves.
5. Marriages need the help of the Lord.  Pray for His help!  “Pray for the love which allows you to see the good in your companion,” President Henry B. Eyring, First Counselor in the First Presidency, instructs. “Pray for the love that makes weaknesses and mistakes seem small. Pray for the love to make your companion’s joy your own. Pray for the love to want to lessen the load and soften the sorrows of your companion.”

No, I never did travel to Greece, or become a famed reporter.  But I AM happily married, I have followed my husband to Virginia (which still seems far away from home!), and now I have two babies.

When I was still working, and my co-workers found out I was married at 20, they would ask me “Do you know how much fun you’re missing out on?”  Honestly, being a fun-lover, that was something I considered before getting married.  But I’ve compared on my own terms and decided that I’m not missing out on much.  What I am missing, I feel like I get compensated in full through feelings of fulfillment; that I am doing a righteous work, that this is what the Lord wants me to do, and by the love I feel for and receive from my family.

My Family!

I know that being a mother, does not have any worldly fame, I do not get any “good jobs” when I successfully finish a day of feeding, clothing, laundering, teaching, playing with, and chasing after two kids… or get any awards “Congratulations, you changed that diaper in record time! You’re the winner of a brand new…”, but it is a heavenly calling and I’m satisfied with my rewards (sloppy kisses and all).  “…Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and [the] Family is central to the creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children,” (The Family: A Proclamation to the World).

I am SO HAPPY to be a MOTHER and to have the help of a truly good man, whom I LOVE! We work together as partners in marriage!  This is the plan the Lord had for me. He has a different plan for each of us. Our opportunities and situations are all different.  One of my lessons, was learning to hand over my own will and let the Lord guide my life, “Lord, THY will be done.”   I am grateful that the Lord has led me to where I can find the most happiness and fulfillment in my life.

* “I will prepare the way before you…”  1 Nephi 3:7; 4:6; 17:13; 22:20
* "Thy will be done" (Luke 22:42),

Reference: “Waiting Upon the Lord: Thy Will Be Done” Robert D. Hales, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Published by McKell