Why I'm a Stay at Home Mom

Like so many of us, I had different plans in mind for when I "grew up". I am very driven and was fast-tracked for medical school. I had perfect grades and would be entering college a National Merit Scholar and technically a sophomore. My father is a highly specialized physician, as was his father before him. Also, my grandfather and great-grandfather were Deans for universities and med-schools. I have a profound appreciation for the human body and science. Both of my parents instilled in me a great love for learning and a desire to further my education as much as I could. But they taught me the importance of family and being the best mother/spouse/sister/daughter I could be as well. I wanted to do that, too, but thought that I would have several or more true 'adult' years before that materialized as a possibility. That all changed when I met my husband.

We met at the beginning of my second year of college. I had just picked neuroscience as my major and was really loading up on classes to graduate ahead of schedule. The more we dated, the more I just knew that he was the one I wanted to spend my life with. I took it to the Lord in prayer and received confirmation. Five months after we met, we were engaged. And five months after that, we were married in the temple for all of time and eternity. We both graduated the next year (he stretched out his last couple semesters and I sped mine up. My last semester I had 24 credit hours, including the two online courses I was taking) and moved across the country where he had gotten a job. This is where my true internal struggle began.

Perhaps because I was young and egocentric, or perhaps because my academics were followed by newspapers in my hometown community- that's what you get for doing nerdy competitions all the time- I really felt like there was a specific expectation for my life path. I was supposed to make a difference, make oodles of money or at least find a cure for Alzheimer's or something. And I wanted to do all of those things, really. I still do. But more important than worldly accolades, I knew what I was truly supposed to do. And that was first and foremost to have children and raise them well. A former leader of our church, President David O. McKay, said, "No other success can compensate for failure in the home." That truly resonates with me! Once I caught a snippet of a program of Dr. Laura on the radio. I had never listened to her before, nor have I listened to her since; but I really liked one statement that she made. She said that she learned that she could not have just a good career and be an 'ok' or good mother at the same time. She could only do one thing at a time if she wanted to do either really well. I'm not saying that's true for everyone, and some don't have a choice regardless, but that really hit me. If I wanted to be my own version of the very best mother, I really needed to focus only on that.

This decision did not come easily, and I have had a hard time defending it to many around me. I have had friends and relatives tell me, very decidedly and rather bluntly, that I was ruining my life. Throwing away all of my potential. I cannot tell you how much those words hurt. I am not a blind follower or uninformed. I know full well what I am capable of and the impact my choices will have on my life. Some make us feel that women can only be respected if they make themselves equal to men in the workforce. But I know that I can do the most good in my home, with my children- and I would most regret missing this time with them. To my friends' and families' credit, nearly everyone who at some point had harassed me about my decision has apologized and made amends; and I do not harbor anger or resentment. I only included this to show the pressure I faced in pursuing what I know to be right for our family. 

I love the recent comments from the Apostle D. Todd Christofferson, who spoke on the moral force of women. He stated,

A woman's moral influence is nowhere more powerfully felt or more beneficially employed than in the home. There is no better setting for rearing the rising generation than the traditional family, where a father and a mother work in harmony to provide for, teach, and nurture their children. Where this ideal does not exist, people strive to duplicate its benefits as best they can in their particular circumstances.

In all events, a mother can exert an influence unequaled by any other person in any other relationship.

                                                                         My boys!

Now here I am, with my three little boys (ages 4 1/2, 3 and 7 months) and husband, and my life has never felt crazier. Frenzied, frantic, and frenetic. I fear I may never be that woman who is calm and collected and has it all under control. We may never have the house we really want or the cars we'd love to drive or make those exotic trips that would be so fantastic. But when I get the small opportunities every day to teach and observe my boys, I know I made the right choice. When my baby flashes a toothless grin when I pick him up, or my 3-year-old runs over and kisses my knee unprovoked, I know I am blessed. Or when my oldest son asks me to read him books, I can cherish the moment. It is not easy, but I can feel that it is right. And I love that at the end of each day, I feel the comfort of knowing that I am doing something good. We are together; we are happy! And nothing has brought me pure joy like watching my children grow and learn and experience life. Have I made sacrifices? Of course. But they have been worth it many times over. And they are only here and young and ours for a short time. I do plan to go back for advanced degrees, but not right now. There is a time and a season for everything- and right now, mine is with my boys and trying to teach them to be honest, hard-working, and faithful men. And I know that is where I'm supposed to be.

Published by Jen