Like Mother, Like Son

Today I have chosen to write about something that has been weighing on my mind recently. As you know, I have my three little crazies whom I love and adore greatly. But there are also times when it is all I can do to make it through the day keeping everyone alive! Seriously. So, I was thinking about how each of them seems to have inherited a different unfavorable trait -who am I kidding, we are talking in the plural not the singular here- from me. And it seems to be those precise characteristics that cause us the most issues. I'm not sure if it's the genetics or if we unknowingly train them to be that way or what, but I can usually attribute their most annoying habits to either me or my husband.

I recently had a temple recommend interview with one of our Stake Presidency leaders. (We, as Mormons, have a series of interviews to ascertain whether we are following the commandments and living a virtuous life worthy of entering into our temples. We can only enter the temple if we are living in such a way that is in accordance with church guidelines. A Stake is a regional organization of individual meeting house congregations.) I brought up this theory. And what ensued was exactly what I didn't know I needed to hear.

We talked about how each child is sent to just the right family. And oftentimes, these children express the shortcomings of their parents. Common sense might imply that this is harmful, passing objectionable traits from generation to generation. But agreeing to that is like surrendering our God-given, individual will. It is like saying, "I am this way and that can never change and there is nothing that can be done about it." Nonsense! I believe we are given shortcomings to keep us from becoming too proud, and to give us challenges to overcome. To grow. To transform. Think about it. What in your life has been the most joyful? Things that were simply handed to you, or things that you worked hard toward, achieved, and could look back and see the progress that you made? At least for me, it is most certainly the latter of the two. And why should this be any different? If there's some blaring character flaw that you don't love about yourself, then change it! And victory will be all the sweeter. So what does this tangent have to do with your children inheriting your worst flaws? I'm so glad you asked.

Let's say my middle child B is very...spirited. With all of those opinions, you also get a very defiant nature. He -in and of himself -has us at our wits' end most days. However, I feel I only have myself to blame. Not that I cater to him, but I am exactly. The. Same. Way. What we discussed in my interview was that perhaps, if I could learn to fix my personal shortcomings on this regard, I could better learn to address my child's. And what better way to really learn something than to teach it to someone else? We have a pattern for service in our church. We have no paid local clergy. Everyone volunteers their time as requested in whatever capacity in which they are serving. For example- I just finished over two years as a Sunday School teacher for teenagers. We have manuals with lessons and themes that we follow, and we are required to use the provided curriculum. Often there were topics that I did not know much about. But as I took the time to read about them in the scriptures and really mull them over in my mind and heart during the week, I came to understand and appreciate the doctrine. And then I was ready to teach. I think that I learned more, during my time as a teacher, than any of my students could have learned in my classes. It is one of the simple things that I LOVE about our church. There is a basic, heavenly-inspired method to our service. As we are asked to fulfill different roles throughout our years of worship, our spiritual and intellectual capacity grows indefinitely. And parenting, in this regard, is the same. As we are introspective and study ourselves, we can help our children. Which will, in turn, further our own progression toward self improvement.

Coming up with the theory is the easy part, as usual. The elbow grease comes with figuring out how and what to fix. And what better way to parent than on our knees? We can pray, read scriptures, research, and pray some more. Knowing that we are all God's children, could we find a better destination for our pleas? We can make our day by day situations ones where the Spirit of God is more likely to reside, so we are better prepared to hear His answers. We can keep our homes, minds, and bodies clean and uncluttered (physically and figuratively). We can fast. We can attend worship services. We Mormons can spend time in the beautiful, peaceful quiet of the temple. Or we can reflect in nature, among God's creations. The important part is not to give up. Sometimes the answer doesn't come as readily, or as easily carried out as you might desire, but the answer always comes. We are promised that it will always come. (see James 1:5-6 "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally...and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering.")

So now I'm off to study, and ponder, and pray. I have faith that as I listen for our Heavenly Father's answers, both B and I will infinitely benefit. And then maybe we can leave the house on time in the morning without him taking off every article of clothing I've dressed him in (even though I intentionally picked out his favorite of everything) just so he can pick each piece out himself. Or maybe I will learn to leave extra time for him to redo everything I have done. I guess we will wait and see.

Published by: Jen